Friday, February 5, 2016

Saying Goodbye is so Hard

22nd January 2016

Some of my home class 7B invite me for a final farewell party
There have been so many goodbyes as my year in Bhutan has come towards its end, and all have been very difficult and much more emotional that I could have anticipated.  I would never have thought that I would make such strong emotional connections in such a relatively short period of time.

Though, saying that, I knew from my previous visit to Bhutan that there is something about the country that works its way into one’s psyche.  Maybe sometime I might try and elaborate on that….

7B class captain, Namgang Dorji.
A lovely young man with real leadership potential

In summary, the goodbyes consisted of an attempt to say a few words to my home class on the last morning of classes before exams; another gathering, at student request, of some of my home class once exams were finished; the formal farewell bonfire for class 8 leavers; my formal farewell from school; result declaration day; individual visits; farewell dinners with my best friends and neighbour; the final distribution of unsold goods to my kidu boys; leaving Kheni and saying farewell to the girls at Gyelposhing.

My attempt at a few words during the last session with my class 7B home class resulted in my voice breaking and tears in my eyes, which was only mirrored by many of the class – nearly all the girls and many of the boys.  So many from this home group have become very dear to me.

7B student Norbu Gyeltshen.  A delighful
"orphan boy" as he describes himself
Students here write that teachers are like their second parents. For the 26 boarders in my home group, they certainly see more of their teachers than their parents. Some of them have been boarders since they were 6 year olds in class PP... and a not insignificant number are orphans who live with siblings or grandparents.

I had many cards and letters from these (and other) students throughout the year and promises of never forgetting me.  One of the most touching written communication was from Norbu, who expressed the wish that we meet again as parent/child in the next “generation” (reincarnation).  Prolific thanks and gratitude were expressed in these letters, the students’ gratitude is very real and makes every effort and  any hardship worthwhile.

I spent some time setting up a student email account and student Skype account and enjoyed Norbu’s delight in sending and receiving his first email and having his first Skype conversation, albeit with me who was just outside the door.

The farewell bonfire for class 8 leavers
The next farewell was an unexpected request from my class captain, Namgang, to come and meet with the class after their exams were finished.  I complied and about half the class were present to give me a farewell party – juice and “chocolates” (the generic word for any sweets) and a gift for which the students had taken up a collection.  Namgang and Pema had gone shopping and chosen a pair of pretty covered china mugs – a very kind thought.  I assured them that these would be packed carefully for my return to Australia and I would think of them whenever I used the mugs.  More tears ensued and I gave them all big hugs.  I really will miss them.

Class 7 students line up ready to receive the class 8 students
for the farewell bonfire
The formal farewell bonfire for the class 8 leavers (not all of class 8, some had not passed a sufficient number of subjects and would be held back to repeat the year) was held on the evening after the last exam and was attended by classes 7 and 8 and staff.  Namgang had asked me to help him compose a speech, and I sat with him to explore some ideas and said I would check his final written speech for him, but he was told that only class 8 students would speak.  This young man has such amazing leadership qualities, I really hope he is school captain for 2016.

The bonfire started as a large tee-pee shape and was lit with the aid of an inordinately large
Class 7 students seated ready for bonfire celebrations
quantity of volatile fluids, a practice that always makes me a little uneasy.  The food and drink was much the same as for any school or village social occasion, with tea and biscuits followed by alcohol for the staff (discretely served in mugs to pretend it was only tea) then dinner.

Dinner was followed by entertainment and words of wisdom.  It would have been nice to know that staff, particularly teachers of class 8, were expected to each contribute something to the words of wisdom and I could have been better prepared and practiced to avoid emotions.  My emotions did, of course, trigger a similar reaction in some of the students, and some of the teachers – even those with whom I was not particularly close.

Sangay Yangden from 7A invited me for
several excursions
I told the students that it really had been a truly amazing year for me and gave them advice about considering carefully, in a changing world, what changes they adopted and how they integrated this into their traditional culture and practices – not everything new on offer is particularly good or desirable in the long term.  To always value their own traditions and culture amid the change can be a cornerstone of sanity and strength.

Student spoke variously in Dzonkha and English, and after the class 8 speakers, the floor was open to class 7 speakers.  One of my smarter but more unlikely students gave a farewell speech (in English) which one of my colleagues kindly interpreted for me.  Namgang came out to give his speech, but lacked the confidence to give an unprepared speech in English, although he speaks well publicly. He spoke in Dzonkha – with apologies to me for doing so, which was really sweet.

I also wish I had been warned about the entertainment…..  all staff were expected to contribute and it was with great reluctance that I took the microphone for a poor rendition of “Advance Australia Fair”.

Thinley Jamsho from 7A
A very intense and serious student
After an assortment of students performed their skits, dances and songs, the final farewell dance / song was performed – a circle dance around the campfire – something that always challenges me to get both the steps and hand movements coordinated.

Dear little class 7 Sangay, who had invited me on excursions during the year, including visits to her grandparents’ village and homes, had asked if she could visit before I left, so of course I agreed.  She came with a farewell gift of a mug and heaps of oranges, groundnuts and sugarcane and while thanking her profusely I did request that she not spend any more money on buying me gifts.  Her family is very poor and have already been more than generous towards me.  I asked that she visit again the day before I left Kheni, and gave her my water filter – in the hope that this might help to maintain her family’s health, particularly in the monsoon season. 

Highly gifted Nima Wangchuk from 7A
From a very poor family

Thinley had also expressed a wish to see me again after exams finished, and had said he would come and visit and sleep at my house for a night or two (his village is 3 hours walk away).  Not sure that I felt totally comfortable to have adolescent male students invite themselves to spend a night in my house, I told him I would check with the principal (entertaining students at home is against the staff code of conduct) and subsequently suggested we meet for a picnic lunch halfway between Kheni and his village.   Note to self:  when agreeing on a meeting point, it is always useful to ensure one’s knowledge of the geography of the area….   I passed the turnoff meeting point and about ¾ hour later, when I was more than half way to Jangphutse, decided that I had cone too far, made some phone calls to confirm, and turned around to come back.  Thinley was not at the meeting place and it was well past the appointed time.  I thought he may have gone looking for me, so sat tight and eventually someone passed who spoke English and confirmed that Thinley was indeed on the path to Kheni.

Neighbour Sithar and friend and colleage Zangmo
at my farewell
Eventually Thinley returned, having run for the last couple of kilometres after he spotted me from the other side of the river, and we laughed about my lack of geographical knowledge and proceeded to a nice spot beside a stream for a picnic.  I had spend the previous afternoon making samosa, more than enough to fill a 15 year old boy’s stomach and feed me, and after we had eaten a quantity of these, Thinley asked if I had brought lunch.  Silly me, to assume that a Bhutanese teenage boy would consider he had eaten lunch if he had not had curry and rice.  Thinley brought out his packed lunch, a particularly delicious cold curry made from hard boiled eggs chopped with onion, chilli and coriander.  He had also brought delicious gifts for me of oranges, sugarcane and feijoa.

A very thoughtful gift from the school:
locally made and hand turned covered bowl
My formal farewell from the school was a shared farewell with one of the retiring cooks and was held in the school multi purpose hall.  Like all staff functions, we gathered more or less at an appointed time and waited until someone thought it appropriate to go inside.  I was directed to sit at the head table with the retiring cook – a bit boring for both of us with little shared language and only non-verbal communications about how cold the draft from the door was.

Momo making marathon with Phub 
Tea and biscuits was accompanied by formal speeches and the invitation to all staff to speak – Zangmo gave a most touching speech, and then alcohol was served, followed by dinner and a most unusual departure from the norm.  Disco dancing.  The previous evening had been a baby shower, and the younger male members of the community had brought a sound system and dancing ensued.  I had made a comment early in the evening that I would dance at my farewell if there were disco lights and hey-presto, a small revolving device was attached to one of the stage lights to provide disco ball effects!  There were many expressions of surprise by Vice Principal Kencho at this departure from village norm, he had not been present the previous evening, and I did have to point out that it was not my influence.  Lots of fun was had by all – more so by some than others as I observed those who seemed ready to continue their entertainment privately afterwards!  The elasticity of the marriage commitment seems considerable – when the cat’s away….

The view from the end of my road
looking up the valley towards India
 Zangmo suggested it was time to disappear around 11pm, as some were getting somewhat inebriated and we did not feel the need to be escorted home….

I was absolutely rapt with my gift from the school, a beautiful covered hand turned wooden bowl, a speciality of the Trashiyangtse area.  A lovely memento of my time in the far east of Bhutan and at Kheni school – not that I think my memories of that will fade for a long time.

Both Phub and Zangmo had invited me to farewell dinners, and the diner with Phub was actually an impromptu one of momo making.  It was a most enjoyable evening after which she gave me a farewell gift:  a small and very beautiful statue of the god of health.  A more formal invitation had to be cancelled as her visit to hospital in Yangtze with her sick newborn turned into an extended stay.  I was so glad that we had said farewells just in case this happened.  I will miss her a lot.

From the end of the road: looking up towards the lakhang
There was also a delicious dinner with Zangmo – she makes the best ever snacks to go with drinks:  crispy noodles are mixed with onion, chilli, coriander and tomato. Very morish. 

For my last night in my house, my neighbour Sithar invited me to share dinner - an invitation which also included other neighbours, and food was prepared as a communal effort by all.  Very enjoyable.  I don’t think I cooked dinner for myself for nearly a whole week.

The view of Kheni cluster village from the end of the road

Results declaration was quite an odd opportunity to see the students again.  I had declined an earlier departure from Kheni since I had promised the students that I would be at results declaration day on 18th December.  Some students were uncertain of the date (judging by the phone calls I had from students inquiring about it) and others uncertain about the time – some arrived at school just as their name was announced for their prize!  Others arrived after their position in the class was announced.


The path down to Zangmo's house
 Unfortunately there were also administrative duties to perform at this time:  the collection of levies for lost text books, so amid this, which was conducted in a sort of controlled chaos, it was difficult to say goodbye to those students I particularly wanted to see.  I did manage to catch the “toppers” for my home group and direct them to go and select themselves a reward from the bag of assorted stuff on my desk and the kidu boys to whom I wanted to give assorted household goods.  Norbu had unfortunately not come to result declaration, but I gave a card to someone to deliver to him.  Saying goodbye to Thinley and Nima after I had distributed my household goods to them was difficult.  I have great affection for both of them and Nima is a highly gifted young man, for whom I have some concern about how the education system will accommodate his intelligence, questioning and independent thinking.

Principal Gyelpo Sherpa, daughter Tshering
and one of my favourite small boys, son Narwang
After the final pack up on the morning of my departure, I went for a walk for one last look at the amazing view from the end of the road and to drop a few items at Phub’s house.  As noone was home, I left the items with Sister at the BHU and said goodbye to her and her son Tenzin – one of my home group students.  She encouraged him to do something about which he was hesitating:  a gift of a mug – this one a coronation mug.  Apparently he had wanted to do this for some time but had felt a little shy about it.  He’s a capable boy, but as a second child lives in the shadow of his very academically successful brother and tends to work hard only when motivated externally by a strict father.  I have tried to talk with him and ask him to think about what is going to motivate him when he goes to boarding school in class 9.  Who knows how much that will give him food for thought?

8A student Tendi Wangmo
"Just one more hug Madam"


As I left Kheni, Zangmo came to say goodbye, as did my very kind school principal – along with his 2 children who brought me a gift of 2 shiny Nu1 coins – a response to my comments earlier in the year that I had not seen such items despite the maths text book referring to them regularly.

Hugs and farewells were exchanged all round, and Zangmo’s admonitions of “don’t cry Lynne” became a bit of a catch phrase, albeit unsuccessful.  I have, over the year, developed a very close relationship with her and will miss her enormously.  I am so lucky to have 2 ladies in the village with whom I became such good friends – subsequent discussion with other overseas teachers suggested that some women have difficulty in forming close relationships because of social structures within the villages.

8A student Dema Choden
I had trouble controlling my emotions all the way from Kheni to Trashigang.  It was a most amazing experience and probably one of the best years of my life.


The final farewell with the girls from Gyelposhing was also very emotional.  There were hugs and tears as girls said goodbye to each other and to the staff.  My newly adopted family members were there to say their special goodbyes to me.

I had thought I would be OK, but some of the Kheni girls, in particular, were very emotional in their own ways, from Lungten’s uncontrollable tears to Tendi’s stoic “one more hug, madam” and Dema’s smiling face assuring me she would never forget me.  It was with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes that I waved farewell as the Tshencarla bus bore them away back to Kheni.  My reaction as I write this is not much different. 
Farewelling the Kheni girls on the
Tshencarla bus
8A student Lungten Dema
with her adopted sister dance teacher Cha










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